It Appears Matthew Gehrett Does Not Actually Exist
by Matthew Gehrett
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Digital Album
Immediate download of 15-track album in your choice of 320k mp3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.
The download includes a digital booklet, which I made and I think is pretty awesome. Anyways, enjoy!Buy Now $8 USD or more
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Compact Disc
This dead-dinosaurs-and-trees version (that is, made of paper and plastic and existing, as they say, in real life) comes in a full-color mini-jacket designed to, in its own little way, reduce the number of dead dinosaurs and trees involved. Perfect for protecting against catastrophic hard drive failures. Also a good delivery mechanism for my autograph, if you wish it so.
Includes immediate download of 15-track album in your choice of MP3 320, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire. -
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Do You Follow
03:13
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A Song Like That
04:26
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Mon Bon Gâteau
01:39
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Gargantua Electronics
03:02
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Cassandra
04:30
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Stories are Stubborn
03:34
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Lopsided Grin
02:39
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Keep Calm & Carry On
02:52
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For Your Reconsideration
04:15
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credits
released 01 July 2011
This album was recorded between February 2010 and May 2011 in Matthew's home studio, which is a spare bedroom with a computer and a few instruments. Matthew wrote, performed, and produced the entire album, except where noted earlier. All tracks except "For Your Reconsideration" were mastered by Loren Davie. Thanks to everyone who helped me make all this noise.
This album was recorded between February 2010 and May 2011 in Matthew's home studio, which is a spare bedroom with a computer and a few instruments. Matthew wrote, performed, and produced the entire album, except where noted earlier. All tracks except "For Your Reconsideration" were mastered by Loren Davie. Thanks to everyone who helped me make all this noise.
tags
license
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feeds for discography
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Dec 2011 -
Jul 2011 -
Nov 2009 -
Dec 1969
contact / help
For help with downloads, click here.
For all other inquiries, including help with merch, click here.
Redeem download codes here.
- Track Name: Do You Follow
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This is my ironic doo-wop song
Everybody wants to sing along
I could light a candle with my tongue
You would eat my fire and scorch your lung
This is not the recommended course of action
This is your new hipster manifesto
We all swear to swear off eating pesto
If it makes no sense, it's for the best
O, we much more clever than the rest
O, this is not the recommended course of action
This is snarky meta-commentary
It's self-referential drivel barely held together with a
Vaguely elementary-school rhyme scheme
and a half-diminished flat-five thrown in just to make sound unsettling
This is not the recommended course of action
This is not the recommended course of action
This is not the meaning I intended at all
It's ironically ironic, do you follow? - Track Name: A Song Like That
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I can write a song like that
Where everything is straightforward and flat
Built for radio
It's a simple formula
Just pick four of your favorite chords
Play them in a row
The bass line should follow the guitar
Don't make the part too hard
'Cause your friend sucks at bass guitar
You should break it down here
This is where you launch into
The chorus
Hold notes for a long time in
The chorus
Make it easy to sing along to
The chorus
Abrupt break
Relate a simple narrative
Sing it with an overly affected voice
Sound like you're hurt
Random shifts in dynamics
Background singers half-screaming along
Then you revert
Break it down a little different
But you still launch into
The chorus
Hold notes for a long time in
The chorus
Make it easy to sing along to
The chorus
Modulate then launch into
The chorus
This is your last chance to sell
The chorus
Make it a bit different here
The chorus
If they're not crying by now you'll never sell a copy
The chorus - Track Name: Every Time I Look Beside Me
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Every time I look down
It seems like things are slipping
Like a pan of silt and gold
That's working backwards
And every precious thing that
I was certain that I had in hand is gone
It's gone it's gone
It's been swept down the stream
And every time I look up
I wonder why the sky is sinking down
So low so low like the fabric
From the roof inside an old car
Keeps falling on your eyes
But still you drive
You drive you drive
My don't the stars seem near?
But every time I look beside me
I feel a perfect calm
I'll never be alone
Every time I look beside me
I'll see you standing there
I'll never have a care
Every time I look behind me
I fear a hand will grab me
Pull me back, I'm back, I'm back
Like I've been dreaming
Everything I have accomplished
And I'm stuck here feeling very small,
I'm small, so small
Oooh-oh
Every time I look ahead I
Feel like doubt has built a wall
So tall, and wide, and deep
I can't get past it
But what would be the harm in
Leaning up against this wall
And falling fast asleep
I'll spend my days here
But every time I look beside me
I feel a perfect calm
I'll never be alone
Every time I look beside me
I'll see you standing there
I'll never have a care - Track Name: Mon Bon Gâteau
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Mon bon gâteau
Dans les Champs Élysées
Mange un croissant
Et siffle en français!
Mon bon château
Dans les Alpes françaises
Boit du champagne
Et siffle en français!
Mon bon bâteau
Dans la baignior français
Fait un petit pain baguette
Et siffle en français! - Track Name: Gargantua Electronics
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At Gargantua Electronics
Your work does not define you
We let the bar code on the ID badge do that
At Gargantua Electronics
We hope you enjoy the weekend
Cuz Monday morning you're gonna have to come right back
What do you get when multiple layers of middle managers feel the need to
Justify oversized paychecks and egos
at the expense of your dignity?
At Gargantua Electronics
We can't repair the fixture
Due to asbestos, no we're not joking, and one more thing:
At Gargantua Electronics
We just received a memo,
it's that asbestos, please take caution not to breathe.
What do you get when bloated bureaucracies crammed with idiots fill your time with
menial tasks designed to robotify
Even the most vibrant human beings?
At Gargantua Electronics
We can't repair your future
You've been trapped here, you're here forever, hope things go well
At Gargantua Electronics
I'll hang myself with a phone cord
Don't believe me? Just fucking try me!
This place is hell - Track Name: Cassandra
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You're always acting like you know
What's going to happen
You don't convince me at all
You're no ecstatic
I'm telling you, it all will turn out fine
It's no big deal now
Follow me, we'll leave this all behind
And we'll disappear
Cassandra, I don't believe you
Could you be more optimistic
Cassandra, I don't believe you.
You always expect the worst
How can you live like this?
It's not like you were ever cursed
This ain't no tragedy
And if it were, you're safe here with me
I'll be your hero
Close your eyes and think of what you'll see
When we make it home
Cassandra, I don't believe you
Could you be more optimistic
Cassandra
Cassandra, I'll have to leave you
If you stay so pessimistic
Cassandra
It's not the end of everything
So have a seat, take a breath, calm down
I'm just taking you to meet my wife
Cassandra, I don't believe you
Could you be more optimistic
Cassandra
Cassandra, I'll have to leave you
If you stay so pessimistic
Cassandra - Track Name: Stories are Stubborn
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He lined up the little figurines
Then he knocked them down
He lined 'em up, shaped like you and me
And bowled 'em over
He stood up, demanded to be loved
And filled 'em all with fear
He crashed down, with fury from above
They ran for cover
Why would I choose to believe?
Why would you want to believe in such a petulant child?
He exists as a construct in our minds
Invented to explain
Anything we couldn't understand otherwise
Then the myth became
A reason to take another's life
Or forsake your own
Now you can't let go of a simple lie
Stories are stubborn
Why would I choose to believe?
Why would you cling to beliefs like such a petulant child? - Track Name: Lopsided Grin
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We're never gonna find ourselves there again
Or so we say, until we're there again
You know, I know, what we said never really did show
What we felt, but at least we had a friend
We're not gonna be like that any more
We tried like hell, never left the floor
You saw, I saw, but we didn't recognize the flaw
In the plan, but at least we opened a door
How I know
What I know
Isn't part of the story I can tell
What we did
In the end
Isn't really why we'll all end up in hell
The lowest point of my life was in there
High as hell, I could feel my hair
You drank, I smoked, then we sang till our voices broke
In the morning, I stumbled into fresh air
Climbing stairs with legs made out of rocks
Tried the door, of course it was locked
I sat, and sat, till the shadows crawled across the mat
The sun set, so I guess we better start again
How I know
What I know
Isn't part of the story I can tell
What we did
In the end
Isn't really why we'll all end up in hell
We're never gonna find ourselves there again
Or so we say, until we're there again
You know, I know, for all our plans all we had to show
For ourselves was a little lopsided grin - Track Name: Stationery and Photo Frames
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Who is Emmaline?
I cannot believe
That her face is not familiar
Who is Rosemarie?
A distant memory
I don’t think I can describe her
I see this list of names
On stationery and photoframes
But I don’t know who they are
Who is Annabelle?
Maybe time will tell
I hope our goodbye was pleasant
Who is Ariel?
Jet black fingernails
And her skin was opalescent
I look at all these stacks
Of time-worn artifacts
And I don’t know whose they are
I must admit I doubt
I’ll ever figure out
Who the hell these women are - Track Name: Stuck on You (the Ballad of Cryptopsaras Couesii)
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I don't want to make you worry
Say too much and watch you scurry off
Here's the problem I am facing
I saw you, now my heart's racing
Faster than it's ever raced before
And I don't know who you are
You don't know how important you've suddenly become to me
I don't know how to play this, so I'll approach you carefully
Would it be so bad if I just followed you for awhile
With enough observation I could see what makes you smile
You wouldn't want to see me suffer
I'm a calm and patient lover, oh (aren't we all?)
So put yourself in my position
You've got me hooked like I'm a fish and
Everywhere you go I'm dragged along
You're mighty strong
Now, well, I'm a hollow shell of what I used to be
I don't think being near you is nearly worth the atrophy
I guess I am stuck here, I can't seem to pull away
I'll just float beside you, while our love makes me decay - Track Name: Keep Calm & Carry On
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Why are the sirens so loud and
Why are you screaming?
I've never seen such a look of
Panic etched on someone's face
There must be something wrong
Why are the planes overhead and
What are they dropping?
I guess discussions broke down
And now we learn that they would rather not discuss much more.
I just don't know how the world works anymore
So I sure hope you can give me a clue
Or two about what we should do when things get out of hand
Why are the shadows so long and
Why aren't they moving?
It's like the sun touched the earth
And everyone is standing still or lying in repose
Everything seems to be slowly simmering
Scanning the scene it's beginning to dawn on me
Circumstances might have gotten slightly out of hand
What was the reason for this and
Where am I running?
I've no destination in mind
But as the miles fly underfoot
I feel a sweet release
My boy scout guide never mentioned "apocalypse"
Shit's gone awry; I don't think I can handle it
I'll just find a place to hide while things are out of hand - Track Name: It Appears Kathy Kingsley Does Not Actually Exist
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It appears Kathy Kingsley does not actually exist
Despite her protestations, she's not made it on the list
I would not want to minimize the struggle she is facing
But just like the unicorn, her name is all that signifies her being with no signified that occupies a single point in space and time, so
Just like the unicorn
Just like the satyr
(There's no fossil record for a hyper-sexual half-man half-goat race)
Unlike the dinosaur
Just like the centaur
Just like the Valkyrie
Just like Caduceus
Exactly like your deity, Kathy Kingsley does not actually exist - Track Name: For Your Reconsideration
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I don't wish to alarm you but I've
Got something to say about you
Got something to say about the
Way you're walking away from me
I don't think I agree
I mean I think I can see the merits
Of your point of view
I just think that you are making a mistake
I'm not trying to convince you but I
Thought you'd like to hear me out
Thought you'd let me express my doubts
But if you're too busy destroying everything
I can keep my peace
I can fail to point out the failings
Of your reasoning
And let you keep on making a mistake
I don't mean to offend you but like
Samson cutting his hair
Custer thought the hillside was bare
And you miscalculate the situation like
Truman dropping the bombs
Johnson wouldn't leave Vietnam
Oh won't you look me in the eye
And tell me you don't think you are making a mistake
I may be going too far here but like
The day Manhattan was sold
The Donners thought the weather would hold
Your choices might have a negative consequence like
Dodos failing to fly
Caesar put his trust in this guy named Brutus
Then he promptly died
Yes I'm sure that you are making
I know that you are making
Yes, this is a catastrophe you've made
